What advice should be given to the wife who is filing for divorce?

because her husband shouts at her for neglecting her house as well as children and she is keeping herself busy in upliftment of poor and sick person of society...What advice should be given to the wife who is filing for divorce?
See the ground under which this woman seeks divorce is basically her husband's shouting on her for her act of neglect towards her children %26amp; household activities. Mere shouting on spouse itself doesn't amount to cruelty on the ground which the woman can use for dissolving her marriage. Shouting in such case is based on provocation which was caused by the woman herself.


In such case how can she plead that cruelty inflicted on her by her husband by shouting on her?


As a spouse when he find his children being ignored by the other spouse, not given reasonable time necessary for the development of the children, ignoring the requirement of the children whether these are concerning the education, schooling food, clothing etc, ignoring the household activities which is the responsibility of both not only wife or husband as the case may be, ignoring the matrimonial rights of the other spouse, ignoring the family responsibilities concerning social calls %26amp; other relations, in any or all such cases a difference in opinion is ought to appear. The occasional arguments, verbal shouting %26amp; abuses are ought to take place between the two.


In all such case even the presiding officer hearing the divorce petition will definitely go in to the depth of the case %26amp; then only decide if the cruelty as alleged by the spouse/wife exist or not, if there is cruelty then against whom %26amp; by whom %26amp; who is responsible for it.


As in the facts of the present case I see by no imagination that this woman by ignoring her matrimonial home is doing any thing of benefits for the society if she is spoiling a unit of the society (her matrimonial home) how she can be of any help to the whole of the society? What she does for the uplifment of the poor/sick is a social work which may be providing her fame in a group of people who basically collect to show off nothing more, these socialites have two faces %26amp; two different way of life, better watch Hindu Movie Page-3 to know more about such socialites %26amp; social workers then one will understand what sort of people they are %26amp; what social work they basically do.


Rest you have right to give me thumbs down for my comments, I won't mind.What advice should be given to the wife who is filing for divorce?
This case demands that the husband needs the advice, but it won't work. Only someone close to him can do so. The wife should be advised to win over her husband by conciously demonstrating to him that his wish is being respected and taken care of. Filing for divorse for the type of problem mentioned by you is not justified. If wife is thinking on those lines, then she is indeed not understanding that her house, her husband, and children should have priority over her profession. If the family is not ready to sacrifice for her profession, then things get complicated and in her interest, she should decide giving priority to family.
In Husband Wife relationship mutual understanding is the main part.





Here both does not have mutual understanding. The wife first should take care of her family before taking care of the society. There is nothing wrong in helping poor and sick persons. If she should be manage both it is adviceable.





And there is nothing wrong in the husband shouting her wife. and one more thing he may also have the duty to do and to share the domestic work with her wife.





My kind advice to the husband is





1) Share your feelings softly %26amp; politely with your spouse.


2) You also have same responsibility in building up your family nice.


3) You can also respect and consider your spouse interest in helping others.





Very important advice to the Wife is:





1) Being a women, is the main role in the family not only in the family for the entire society, world etc.....


2) Being a wife you should first consider your family before the society.


3) You can also respect and consider your husbands thoughts and feelings.


4) Don't take a silly decision by filling divorce.


5) Basically if you have soft corner then only one should service for others then how could you divorce your husband for this reason?


6) Be practical and share your feelings softly and politely and take a nice decision.
I sincerely wish a social harmony occur at the earliest.


I decided to answer this question after seeing your additional details. (Since a real issue)





Both your close friend and her husband are correct in their angle of view. (I am confusing in total is it?)





From the view of your friend’s husband:


A wife (as generally viewed by society) should be a good home maker, taking care of children and keeping the harmony in the family with sufficient care on husband and involving in all pleasure and sorrow whole heartily.





There is nothing wrong in his expectations as almost all in our Indian culture expect the same.





His anger is genuine, who as a wife not bothered her own husband and children who are the very meaning to her, indulging herself busy in upliftment of poor and sick person of society...





(I, in one of the earlier answers, wrote to you that all Indians are first a child to biological mother and should learn to love and identify with mother, then with family and then with community/religion, village, district, state, nation and finally towards Human of the total planet. But you were in difference with my view on that.) ---------This is in general case.





Now from the view of your close friend (wife):


She is a woman with a high order quality with a serious concern over the society and its upliftment. Only a very few among the women will have such intuition towards society especially in this materialistic world. May be 1 in a lakh women population. Such activity only gives her the true pleasure. She feels the way she wants to lead her life is her choice and liberty. After all life is to “live” and not to “struggle”. She got entangled in the wedlock out of either circumstances or the social obligation and she repent for that now.








(This point of view is correct as millions of women ready to be house wife but only few women prefer to serve the society like “Mother Theresa”. There are so many house maids are available to the house keeping and to take care the children, cooking, washing and laundry. She can be back home after social service and take care of husband). ---------------This in extraordinary case. the degree of involvement is to be assessed by you.





in any case divorce to be avoided.





you can advice your friend's husband to be a smart husband!!!


***A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.


***A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.


***A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!





http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind…





Now you know your friend better and you will have to decide the choice and advice accordingly.





additions:


Destiny's answer to your other question will be most useful in giving advice to your close friend.





http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind…
the home of an individual is a miniature society .when she is working for the upliftment of the poor and needy of the Society ,she is very much capable of uplifting her house as well.how can she manage her social relations when she is unable to manage the most fundamental personal relations.





but yes i would also ask her that was she searching for admiration from strangers 'cause she wasn't able to get the same at home?


whatever the case ,a better communication channel is indispensable for her towards her husband
My dear Banjaran....





Well...out of my own experience (when I filed for my divorce) I can tell you the steps to take....but...since I've filed for divorce in the USA ...I believe, it's a bit different in India...?





Usually, when there are ';minor children'; involved by law, you'll have a 6 months ';Re-adjustment'; period to go through (whereby you should clear up, if that's what you really wish -or- if you intent to ';reconciliation';, etc.) But all you have to do ist find you a good lawyer, who ';specializes'; in divorce-cases in order to regulate the ';financial asset's';, etc.





After the 6 month ';Reconciliation time'; is over....you just go down to the ';City-County-Bldg.'; and sign the papers...that's it !





But...on a personal note....I have nothing against ';being altruistic'; and caring for ';The poor %26amp; sick';, because I do such things as well....but....NOT to the extent that your ';OWN family'; is suffering through your engagement. That's NOT fair to the family members and I can even understand the husband getting on ';her case';...No need to ';shout';, but they should intelligently and calmly discuss the matter !





That's just my opinion...You can ';Do for others';, but NOT for the prize of neglecting your OWN family, which should always come FIRST !!! Send you all my love %26amp; care....your friend....Annette****
According to dharma. Her first duty is to husband (gurupati), children and house. How can she be wife if she neglects her duty to husband, children and house?


Charity begins at home. A home is only a house without a wife or a mother.


Why she is filing for divorce? She is the one who is not upholding her marriage vows. She is the transgressor.


I wish them well.


Take care and best wishes always


GOURANGA GOURANGA GOURANGA
What she is doing is wrong - and filing for divorce is even worse. Make her understand the priorities and her responsibilities. Also try to make her see the life after divorce - until separation it all looks good but I have not seen a single couple happy after divorce - in fact it is even worse. If required - professional help of counsellor can be useful. Best of luck.
There is no good reason for one partner to verbally abuse the other...not even if they are not doing their part for the family. She has every right to want to divorce him.





Perhaps your friend is not cut out to be a homemaker. Maybe she can get a paying job outside of the home that allows her to help the poor and sick, then they could use the money to pay for child care. Also, they can both agree to do a share of the housework, instead of your friend being stuck with having to do it all.
My advice would be that the woman should make sure her home and her children and family are taken care of FIRST, then help with the upliftment of poor and sick person of society---


Then, her husband would have no reason to shout at her, and she would have no reason to file for a divorce! By the way, thats pretty harsh--- a divorce just because he shouted at her for the house not being clean??


hmm---I wonder who this poor sick person of society is???
Marriage is commitment ....


Marriage is an institution ....


Family is Societies unit ....





Our future grows here and it is a responsible decision in ones Life.





No one can be forced to marry. A saint never marries or has the partner as an associate in the promised task.





Many religions talk of donating some percent of the family income for charity which is taken care by a organised institution. So this is, charity-begins-at-Home, which the children also learn %26amp; participate.
This is not at all point of divorce. There must be something else.If she is ready to help poor and sick person than why she will not look after the house? If you are right than you should mediated some one who can be trusted in between both. I think if you go accordingly than the problem in between the two will be sorted out. wishing them all the best and my god bless both of them,
there is always a good side of every person.. make her sit with her hubby and let hubby do the talking.. explain her that 2 hands are needed to clap... if one side is neglated then definitly other side must have also done the same... conversation in peace is all the soultion to stop the ending marriage
take a complete battery of professional behavioral, emotional and anxiety disorders tests to see what is happening in the head. Then get help....Husband does not understand there is illness here. ...He might if he sees it in writing.
I came across with this helpful article and I totally agree with their thoughts and surely this can help you out ';Divorce Tips for Women ';
Very strange! Divorce should be filed by her husband. When her house is burning, she is watching others house. My advice is Please serve your family first and then others.
Live and Let live !!








Why to interfare in other husband and wives' life ?!!


They must be matured enough to understand each other.


If they are not matured then they should not have married. So let them be saparated.
Enough of the flowery talk. What is she really doing? She should not be neglecting her children to ';uplift the poor.'; Your children come first.
I concur with your addenda to your question which answer the question.
Husbands should not shout...it's not nice. But they should kindly ask for what they want.
Er, good luck?





Harriet
go ahead.
She lost her priority. Let the man be happy. Leave him free.