Can you give me advice on how to be relaxed and optimistic?

I am so pessimistic and stressed at the moment. My problems are:


1- I just had a baby 4 months ago, I love her so much and I am happily taking care of her needs, but I have lost my freedom and don't know how to cope with the new life.


2- I am overweight, 60 kgs when I should be 50 kgs with 160cm height. I can't go on a diet because I am breastfeeding, and excercising is just too much work. I excercise every now and then but it doesn't help shaping my body at all.


3- My husband has a medical problem and is having an operation in 2 weeks, regarding our sex life, as we haven't slept together for 9 months.


4- I just can't seem to be interested in any sort of social contact and I just stay at home all the time, with seeing no body or calling no body. I want to make new friends, but I feel like I have nothing to tell them, or I hate my body and can't find a good outfit.


5- I want to start a self-business next year and I am now researching for it. But everything seems a hard work.Can you give me advice on how to be relaxed and optimistic?
Its so tough, I guess just realize there are so many of us struggling. One thing I do to motivate myself is to eliminate any form of self-pity or regret. Useless traits. I saw these sisters who's heads were connected and one of the women was all short and deformed and had to be lugged around on a table with wheels. Made me realize that having a normal head and body is something that I take for granted. Optimism is about at its core appreciating what you do have - the fact that you do have a husband, and that you do have a child, and that you do have a mind that wants to start a business and try new things, take risks. It's a self-process and so difficult, and no one else can tell you to do it. I think the best way out of misery is to use the frustration to detach a little bit, and let go of the worries. Once you do that you'll find yourself being able to appreciate new things, and do things you didn't think previously possible. You can exercise, however you must start really small as de-motivating as it seems to do a ';half-***'; workout. People get to grandiose and then abandon plans. Forcing in a simple walk each day and some situps and going on from there. It becomes routine, it becomes easier and you hit a point once you start where the exercise actually becomes enjoyable and addictive. That's how people get in such great shape. You think they enjoy it from day one? Doubtful. It sucks. But over time your mind changes and actually craves the exercise which is how people stay so consistent with it. That being said, with your weight I'm not even sure you're really overweight - I don't know kg's... But even if not the exercise is good either way, moving around is scientifically proven to reduce depression.Can you give me advice on how to be relaxed and optimistic?
bless you,


first of all, about your weight, i am no good with kgs so i will give that one a miss but tie that in with your inability to go out of the house and the answer would be simple, go for a walk. however i am the same as youi do not want to leave the house as so much needs to be done and even when it doesnt i just want 'me' time. so i am in a bit of a rut like you.


i deffo cannot find a nice outfit to wear, but one thing i have found solace in is just looking for something you feel comfy in, even if you do have to go for the bigger size for now, you have just had a baby and people will understand.


if you feel restricted by thr breastfeeding why not switch to bottles? you have done more than enough by now and you might feel more free. a contented mother is better for baby.


i feel i have been forgotten about and this is my 2nd baby! people just assume you are too wrapped up in baby talkwhen really you are screaming out for adult conversation. how about having a little party for the girls? you could do ann summers, virgin vie or even body shop now.


i drive and find going out in the car on my own with the cd player blasting helps. otherwise you could try a mother toddler group, i have heard they are really good.


please let me know how you get on,


if you need to chat i am here paulakay212@hotmail.com
Have you tried yoga. Its worth getting a video or dvd and doing it at home. Otherwise join a group. It will relax your mind and get you in to shape.
First, enjoy your baby. They grow way too fast.





Second, don't worry about your weight. Most pregnant women lose a lot of the weight they gained during their pregnancy after the birth. Things will even out with your schedule once you get the hang of things. You'll have more time for excersise.





As for you not having any intercourse with your husband for the past 9 months, WHY? Sex during pregnancy (as long as it isn't too rough) is really good for expecting mothers! Plus, there are PLENTY of other sexual activities besides intercourse that you and your husband can enjoy together.





New friends can be made in the thousands of chatrooms and profile pages on the internet. Here's a good one: http://www.okcupid.com


You can meet other people like you in your area and it's free.





The business will have to be put on hold. If only for a little while. Your baby comes first now. (At least it should.)





Things that help me with stress:


-A scalding hot bath/shower. Man, are they GOOD! Especially after a long day. The heat helps loosen muscles that have become stiff throughout the day.


-Sex. You said there's some kind of thing going on but that doesn't mean other things aren't off the table. A good orgasm can release major amounts of stress.


-A massage. Coming from your husband, this of course can lead to other things. (Wink, wink!) It can also serve a purpose as to reinforcing your bond as parents by having some time to yourselves that means something. (Obviously when the baby is sleeping.)





I'm sure you can think of other things that can help you relieve stress that only will work for you.





And congrats on the new baby!
First of all, congrats on the new baby! It must be both exciting and scary at the same time!





I know it's hard to right now, but remind yourself that all this stuff is temporary. It sounds like you are looking ahead with your business plans, and that's a good way to be! You are being optimistic in believing that it will be a success once it's carried out.





Your body is still recovering from a major event, and you're still breastfeeding, so there are still different hormone fluctuations in your body, and unfortunately it's making you feel stressed and very tired at the same time. Know that time will change all these things...your beautiful baby will be weaned off your breast and your body will return to ';normal';. Make sure you go to all of your scheduled follow ups, and the baby's also. This way, should it be something else going on, you can catch it before it becomes more involved. Even though your tired, try your best to work out...even if it is just a walk around the block...the exercise will help you feel better and less stressed (and you can feel like you are doing something towards weight loss!)





I'm sure you've sat down and talk to your husband in depth about your feelings. If not, do it! Let him express himself too...together, you both have experienced a major life event, and there may be some concerns and frustrations to let out. If all else fails, try some counseling. To me, your situation sounds emotionally-based, and once those issues are resolved, I think the physical intimacy will return.





Keep researching your business plan, even if you can only think about it for a few minutes a day, because once your situation changes and you get your ';old self'; back, you'll want to dive right into it.





Everything will work out in the end...it just will take time. Good luck!
how can you say you are overweight i am 64 kg and about 155cm height.according to my body mass index this weight is fine unless the doc was just trying to make me feel better.have you spoken to your doctor about these feelings it could be post natal depression.
Sounds to me like you have post natal depression. Go see your maternal health nurse for a local support group and see your doc in case you need to go onto anti depressants. You will be surprised at how common it is. Getting the right support makes all the difference.
Sarah: -





I know how you feel. My son is 10 months old and he is my life.





Before I had a baby I had a very busy life, I worked 40 hours a week, was a semi professional dancer, had lots of hobbies including singing and playing piano, I was attractive, curvy and bubbly with waist length hair.





Well now I have the opposite problem to you in that breastfeeding has made me lose too much weight and I look like crap. Really skinny, haggard and unnattractive. My hair fell out so badly after my baby was born I had to have it all cut off to a layered shoulder length bob which I hate, it looks lank and makes my face look thinner and also makes me look older.





I don't work anymore, and haven't danced for 18 months, I never have the time or energy to sing or take a music lesson. I never go out or do anything. In fact the highlight of my week is mum and baby group on a Thursday and going to my mums to take her shopping!





I feel better in a way to know that I'm not alone in all this. My partner is not always helpful, he thinks I shouldn't have any social life and should get a part time job and just work and look after the baby. He works long hours for low pay and is always tired and grouchy. We don't have much of a relationship left it seems sometimes.





I don't know if you're like me but part of my problem is that I have no family and friends nearby - the only family I have is my mum, who is 72 and not in good health, and my brother who is 29 and wrapped up with himself. They live about 13 miles away. My partner's family live 250 miles away so they cannot help. As a result there is noone to look after my baby for an afternoon or something so that I can out and do something for myself.





And when I do get the time, ie when my partner comes home at night, I'm too tired and can't motivate myself to get out and do things! I'm ashamed to let my old friends see me as I look fo skinny and haggard and not like my old self.





I know I should be looking for a part time job, I've thought about trying to do things to earn money for myself, giving piano lessons at home or trying to start an online business but to be honest I don't have the energy or the motivation.





I can only hope that things will get better, I wish I could offer you some practical advice but I don't feel in a position to do so as my situation is so similar. Lots of others have given you some good advice and I can only hope that knowing you are not alone in feeling like this will help a little!





Good luck and email me if you'd like to!!
sounds like you are depressed and overwhelmed.


you say you lost freedom taking care of baby. Thats not true. there is alot of freedom taking care of baby and motherhood teaches you to be creative. You can still go everywhere and do everything. You need to find different ways to do stuff when you have a baby but they are very adaptable . And if you need a break, get a sitter, or ask a relative.


As far as your weight, exercise is hard just like labor because its work. When you want it bad enough you will do it. Exercise will help you feel better physically which will help mentally. You can get back in shape. i've had 6 and my youngest was just born this mothers day and I am a size 5 . You have to want it.


Good your hubby is getting medical help for his problem that should do you both good.


Go out and find a park and take baby outside for some air and you will meet moms . Don't you think you may find other moms who feel the same way ? They don't care what you wear, they arent dating you.


As far as business.. .. How Do You Eat An Elephant ???????? One bite at a time ! Hard work is hard. You will be okay. go see doc for checkup.And remember.. you are what you think so make it something beautiful. good luck.
With regarding your weight. You can make changes to your diet whilst breast feeding that will help you lose weight. Try to eat products with less than 4% fat, and try and eat foods that are not processed, because your body will take more energy to digest them. Also try and include protein in every meal as this makes you feel full for longer, and a little bit of calcium in your diet helps fat to pass through unabsorbed.


Any little exercise will increase your metabolism. Just put baby in the buggy and walk for 20 minutes every morning. Dance while you are doing your housework.





Find out where your nearest mother and baby group is or some other kind of activity you can do with your baby. Ask your health visitor for information. You will meet people with the same things in common as you. (they are parents)





Go to www.flylady.net who will help you be more organised and motivated.





Good luck. Remember, there are thousands out there that would love to be in your shoes. xxx
Having a baby is a life changing event. I had a baby boy 11 months ago and although I love every moment with him, I do miss the freedom I once had as well. When you look at your list of problems it must seem very overwhelming for you so try tackling them one at a time.


I joined a new mom's group when my son was 10 weeks old. We would get together once a week and chat. I found that it really helped me socialize and meet new people who were in the same stage in life as me. Although I do not go anymore, I really hit it off with one mom and we talk and get together all the time. Perhaps if you do this you will feel less isolated.


As for exercise, try and schedule a good 1 hour walk every day. The fresh air will be good for you and your baby. Start slow, then work up to a brisk pace. Walking is terrific exercise.


The sex life does go down the tubes in the first few months after you have the baby....but it will get better. Do you have a friend or family that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby with for a few hours? If so, then schedule a regular ';date night'; for you and your husband after he has recovered from his surgurey. Also, see if your friends and famly could come by occasionally for a few hours to give you a break from the mom and wife duties, especially while your husband is recovering.


Anyways, I hope that this helps and that you feel more optimistic soon. Being a mom is a demanding job and it is normal to feel overwhelmed nce in a while so don't be so hard on yourself.
my advise is dont start a business up next year the likely hood is it will collapse or you will. do what most mothers do and put your life on hold. My daughter is 4 has just started school so i can now go to college.i have had to wait 4 years for this so now i have the determination needed to make it a success without anything else being effected. Unfortunatlly you cant have it all in one go.
you will get youre figure back exspecially because you are breast feeding and youre just feeling depressed about everything you need to get out once in a while and you need to beleive in youre self you can do anything you put youre mind too and it is hard work to be successful in life you can do it ! dont be so hard on youre self and you can find new friends with children and start going to park together or other fun places for kids once you start getting out of the house you will see you will make all kinds of new friends and then you will see youre life hasnt ended or youre freedom just relax and enjoy life as it comes to you beleive in youre self and you will make it through this good luck and happiness
Sounds like you need Grand Parents and a holiday to look forward to
weed, no i'm joking, firstly you need to take things one at a time your problems are'nt going anywhere, so breathe and then decide what is most inportant and tackle that first and then evrything else, remember you are going to have to accept that there are some things you can't fix, your're a woman not a superhero, there is a diffrence